Careless
by alittlenutjob
Summary: Established Danny x Mindy for The First Time Collection. I wanted to delve into a specific type of first fight. As always I own nothing and write this with the greatest respect for the creators. Music: The Cure - Apart (Fits neither Danny nor Mindy, but I LOVE The Cure. I don't know what to tell ya, just do.)


They rode the subway in silence. He stood several feet away as she studied her phone from a seat against the window. Unread non-news from friends and real news from celebrities scrolled by as her thumb flicked across the screen, her eyes instead focused on his face.

As they approached the building she let him walk a few steps ahead of her so they wouldn't have to look at each other. The fact that he actually opened the door for her as he would on any other morning offered a spark of hope, but the second they passed the threshold he took off for the stairs, leaving her at the elevator alone. Her head down, she pushed the button to call the elevator to the lobby.

They didn't fight like this. They fought, but not like this. If it had just been a real knock-down, drag-out screaming match it would have blown over in a matter of minutes. Instead it had become an empty silence that followed these small, mean words. It grew each minute that passed and she felt the opportunity to fix this slip further away. She couldn't even see any sign that he wanted to fix this. Even more sickening, she didn't know if she wanted to either. Lost in this train of thought, she felt rather than heard someone approach from behind, but the hopeful look she couldn't suppress evaporated when she saw that it was just the Deslauriers.

"Mindy," Brendan nodded solemnly.

"Brendan. Duncan." she replied.

"Where's your other half?" Brendan asked politely. "He's well I hope."

"Danny's fine. He's just taking the stairs this morning."

"You two haven't had a fight have you?"

Her mouth tightened into a little line. "That's none of your business."

Brendan's face got that consciously sincere look he'd clearly been cultivating for years. It made her want to hit him. "I know it's none of my business, I'm just concerned for you. You get attached to men in this building regularly, and you let them hurt you. I think you should invest in more self love."

Mindy rolled her eyes. "Don't worry about me, buster. Worry about yourself. And if you think you hurt me, you're wrong. You wouldn't know how to hurt me. You don't know me well enough to really hurt me."

"See, this is why I thought we should be casual." He gestured between the two of them.

"No, you thought we should be casual because you aren't capable of commitment," she spit back. She couldn't for the life of her remember why she ever found him attractive.

"Aren't capable..." he sputtered indignantly. "You know what, forget it. I forgive you. But for the record, that was hurtful."

She spun to face him. "You know what's hurtful? Insinuating that I get around right to my face. And telling other people that too. Oh yeah, Cliff told me what you said at Christmas. You're a jerk."

Brendan blinked slowly. "I thought I didn't know you well enough to hurt you."

"You don't. To know what really hurts you have to stick around long enough to really know what buttons to push." Her eyes glazed over a little. "You have to really love someone to know their soft spots, and know how to use them well."

As the doors opened for her floor Duncan leaned forward in his infuriating, quiet way. "Mindy. If you know someone well enough to know their soft spots, you help them protect them."

Throwing her hand out to hold the door she turned to meet Duncan's eyes and found all the irritation she'd been feeling just slip away, replaced by exhaustion. She nodded at him, turned, and stepped out of the elevator.

When she entered the office, she saw that Danny's door was already shut. She felt...heavy. Right around her solar plexus. Not sick exactly, but like something wanted to come up. Truth, maybe. Sadness. Something. She knew she owed him an apology, but she was owed an apology too.

She pulled her office door shut behind her as well and plopped into her chair. She opened her laptop and resisted the urge to rub her eyes. She was facing too long a day to give into emotional exhaustion this early. Coffee would be perfect right this moment, and maybe some sort of pastry, but the risk of seeing him in the kitchen was too great. She picked up the phone and dialled the number to phlebotomy.

"Nurse Tookers, RN."

"Morgan! Dear, sweet Morgan."

"Yes, my queen?"

"Could I prevail upon you to bring me coffee?"

"Of course, milk and 5 spoons of sugar?"

"I don't take that much sugar."

"Oh, right. Milk and 2 spoons of sugar?"

"Perfect."

"You do know that I put 5 spoons in, right?"

"You're not supposed to."

"You send it back otherwise."

"That must be because you don't put full spoonfuls in."

"No, it's..."

She cut him off. "I get it, Morgan. I'm a sugar monster. Milk and 5 sugars please."

"I'll be right through."

When the door opened a minute later she was greeted by neither coffee nor Morgan.

Mindy frowned in confusion. "Uh, hi Tamra? How's it going?"

"Uh-uh Dr L. I know you just sent Morgan to get you coffee. I'm here to tell you he won't be bringing it."

"What? Why?"

"Because he's not a waitress."

"I know that."

"I don't think you do. He's a registered nurse. Don't call him in here just because you're too lazy to go get your own drink."

"I'm not lazy."

Tamra just raised her eyebrow.

"Okay, I'm a little lazy," Mindy conceded. "Why didn't he just say that on the phone?"

"Because he was afraid to disappoint you."

Mindy hung her head. "Oh God, Tamra."

"Yeah, you and I are gonna talk about that too one day, but right now I have work to do. Morgan has work to do. And you need to go get your own coffee."

"Is, uh, Danny in the kitchen. Can you see the door?"

"Is that what this is about?"

"No. I was just very busy."

"Right." Tamra's eyes rolled skyward as if pleading to a higher power for the patience for this. "You two need to learn how to fight."

"We know how to fight."

"You know what I mean. Learn how to walk away before it gets nasty. Then learn how to turn around and say you're sorry."

Mindy gave in and rubbed her eyes. "Boy, everyone's full of advice today. Haven't you and Morgan been seeing each other like a week longer than me and Danny?"

"Yeah, but I was in a 20 year relationship before him."

"With a loser."

"That's as may be, but we didn't make it 20 years without learning that no fight was worth throwing everything away."

"You left him."

"Yeah, I did. That wasn't a fight though. That was about doing something for myself. Something good for me. RayRon wasn't good for me. Is Dr C good to you?"

"You don't know what he said."

"You're right, but I don't know what you said either." Tamra pursed her lips matter-of-factly before repeating herself. "Is he good to you?"

"Yes."

"Then go apologize. Wrap this up, 'cause I ain't got time for office drama. And neither do you."

Mindy sighed heavily. "Damnit, Tamra."

"What?"

"Can you go give him the same speech?"

"Morgan's already doing it."

"You didn't know about the fight until I told you a minute ago!"

"Please. You two are easy. If you're bitching at each other when you walk in the door you're fine. If you come in separately we're all in trouble. Go get your coffee. I'm too busy for this nonsense."

. . .

Danny was seated at the table closest to the window, two cups in front of him. She wasn't ready for a peace offering, but making her own coffee while he sat there waiting seemed a bit too pointed. She sat down. "Thank you for the coffee."

"I didn't make it."

"Who did?"

"Morgan."

"I thought he wasn't going to make me coffee anymore."

"You get Morgan to make you coffee?" Danny's eyebrows raised in disbelief.

"Morgan does a lot of things for me." She bit her lip. "I should probably stop leaning on him so hard. Stop being so spoiled."

Danny's jaw worked like he was desperate to say something but he looked into his cup instead. They sat in silence for a few minutes as the sounds of their colleagues beginning the work day filtered into the kitchen. Jeremy approached the door, but after glancing at them briefly he pulled his phone out and turned away, leaving them to themselves.

"Tamra said we don't know how to fight."

"She and Morgan need to learn how to mind their own business."

"Maybe."

"That's why I didn't want the whole office to know about us."

She really didn't have a response to that. She played it safe. "They do it because they care."

"Did you tell them that we're fighting?"

"No. Tamra said it was obvious."

Danny shrugged awkwardly. "See? Too involved. Maybe we should have a team meeting about separating personal and professional matters."

"Are you kidding me?"

"What?"

"You do know we're only together because they pushed both of us."

A grimace pulled at Danny's face. "I don't think that's true."

"It is true. It is true. You'd have stood me up again and this would never have happened."

"You stood me up!"

"You said you'd wait all night."

"Are we really going to fight about this again?"

She shook her head. "No. You're right. We agreed to start with a clean slate that night. But we need to talk about the fight this morning."

"No we don't. We need to do work. We can talk about this at home."

"So you want to spend all day avoiding each other."

"No, I want to spend all day being a professional. And I'm not avoiding you."

"Okay." She felt her hands clenching too hard around the cup and took a deep breath. If she stayed here with him, she'd start crying for sure, and if she didn't move fast he'd see. She pushed back from the table and walked away.

She didn't even wait to see what he'd decided to do about lunch, she hit the door as soon as she had a break in appointments, and spent her lunch window shopping. As much as she wanted to pretend it was a Breakfast at Tiffany's situation, it was a little more like Corndog from a Truck at Duane Reade. She tried not to think of him eating in his office alone, but the image was all too easy to conjure. She sighed and dropped the whole corndog in an overfilled trash bin on her walk back to the office.

Her last appointment was hours after his, and she didn't even have to check her messages to know that the text he sent at 2:30 was telling her he'd be leaving early without her. Probably just as well that she'd skipped lunch, because her stomach heaved uncomfortably when she thought about it. He always waited for her. Always.

After she ushered her patient out she sent him a message to say that she was catching up some paperwork and ordering Thai delivery to the office. That he should have dinner without her.

. . .

The shower was running when she walked in the door. She slipped into the bedroom and undressed quietly. There was no need though; he'd shut the bathroom door, another small, strange departure from their routine that made her feel too far away from him.

She padded out to the guest bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. Somewhere along the way his apartment had become their home base, and the guest bathroom had kind of inadvertently become her bathroom. She'd tried not to take over, but it just happened; bottles everywhere, her fluffier seagreen and raspberry bright towels, her fancy toilet paper. They had little spaces in the apartment that were his and hers, and until this morning she had thought that they were compromising pretty well. She stayed out of his kitchen, he never touched her closet. His bathroom never had damp towels on the floor, and hers always had toilet paper that wasn't borderline cardboard. But they'd left those spaces open, little lines left open to each other.

She'd stand in the doorway after he got out of the shower, watching him as he towelled his hair dry and tried to plaster down the curls he fought so valiantly to control.

He'd slip in behind her as she peered into her mirror looking for crows feet, stare at her in the mirror with a soft smile as she brushed her hair, sometimes taking the brush from her and teasing out little tangles carefully and patiently. Sometimes just dropping a little kiss on her shoulder and wandering back out to crawl into the bed ahead of her. It was exactly what she always thought sharing a life with someone could be.

Her eyes searched for anything other than that closed bathroom door to focus on as she flipped off the lamp on her side of the bed, and slipped into the sheets with her back turned away from the door. She had almost dropped off to sleep when the mattress shifted under his weight as he crawled in, smelling of Head & Shoulders and toothpaste. Her body tensed briefly, but he didn't touch her, he just turned his light off and settled in as well. His breaths gently got more even, but she knew he was awake. Much to her horror, her stomach rumbled loudly, causing him to let out a big breath. "Did you eat anything tonight?"

She knew he was extending an olive branch in the only way he knew how, but she couldn't stop her reply before it passed her lips. "I'm a grown woman, Danny. You don't have to worry about my eating habits."

"I'm not worried. I just. I thought maybe you'd gotten busy."

"Well I'm fine. You don't have to take care of me." She actually hadn't gotten around to ordering dinner, but she'd be damned if she'd admit it right now.

"Mindy." She could feel his warm hand hovering near her shoulder, hot enough to warm her skin without touching. He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry about what I said."

"Which part?" She knew, she knew that he was trying but right now in the dark room when she didn't have to look in his eyes, and when he couldn't see her own, she finally felt free to say what she'd wanted to say all day. "That I'm spoiled? Or that I don't think about consequences? That I'm wasteful? That I'm self centered?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah what?"

"All of those things. I'm sorry about everything."

She tucked her chin to her chest and just breathed slowly. "You meant it, Danny. I could tell. You talk to me like I'm a child sometimes. It's patronizing, and it's mean, and I won't be talked to like that. I don't need you to take care of me."

"I know that." She heard him swallow. "I shouldn't have said anything I said, and I know you won't believe me, but I didn't mean any of it. I really didn't. I just... I get a little defensive when things get hard."

"You weren't defensive, you were offensive. I didn't do anything to deserve it."

"You gave as good as you got." She snorted, but he continued, more softly, "You know why I got defensive?"

"Offensive," she corrected.

"You said 'There's only one right way to do things, and it's the Danny Castellano way.'"

"So?"

"So, you're not the first person to say that."

"That sounds about right." She nodded contemplatively.

"And the last person who said it left me."

"What?" A little pang shot through her as she flipped over to face him, even though she couldn't even see him in the dark.

"I'm sorry about what I said. I just... am I that bad?"

"You kind of are," she said honestly.

"Oh."

She reached out to touch his face. "Danny..."

"I'm sorry."

She wiggled, moving closer. She took his face in both hands. "Danny. You are a pedant. And you are hardheaded. And you do get crazily defensive, super fast. And you are kinda weirdly tight with money. You are obsessed with tidiness. You can be really hard to reach sometimes. And I don't think you voted for Obama."

"I thought we agreed not to talk about politics ever."

"Hey, listen to me. You said once that you didn't think you could change enough to make this work, but you were wrong. Not just about how much you could change, but about how much you needed to change. You are passionate. You're so generous with your time. And your kindness. And second chances. You aren't afraid to stand up for people who need help. You plan for the long term. Those are wonderful things. I don't know why you think that isn't enough for someone to love. You don't have to be perfect."

"I'm sorry."

"And you don't have to apologize for being imperfect. I certainly don't. And I hope you're not expecting me to, 'cause you're gonna have a long wait, buddy."

Danny chuckled quietly and put his hand over hers where she held his face.

With a little smile she kissed him. "Full disclosure, I didn't vote for Obama either."

"But you would have."

"I would have," she agreed.

"I know. Which is why I shouldn't have said what I said about you being self centered. You care more about people than anyone I've ever known. And you're messy, but I get that it's an expression of how much you can't wait to get to the next thing. Which is probably why you left the refrigerator door open all night."

"Careful, buddy."

"Hey, I know what you were rushing back to. You can leave the refrigerator open every night if you're racing back to bed." In the dark with her hands on his cheeks she could feel him grin.

"Really?"

"No. Just take one more second to check. That's all I ask."

Mindy leaned her forehead towards him, touching his. "Look, I'm sorry I was careless, but we have to to talk about your completely disproportionate reaction. You could have stopped at careless, but you didn't. You started ranting at me about being wasteful. You seem to think I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth, and it's ignorant and it's destructive. Did you know when my mom and dad moved to this country she had to restart her residency? And my dad couldn't find a job in our state so between the two of them they worked about 130 hours a week including commutes? I know what hard work looks like, you don't have the monopoly on worth ethic."

"You're right. You're right. Sometimes I find it hard to drop the big brother act, and I shouldn't act like I know better. I'm just as screwed up as you are."

"Hey!"

Danny took her face in his hands. "So screwed up that I turned a minor gripe into a major argument. Everything's too intense. Everything matters too much. I told you once that I would ruin this, and I am trying so hard not to mess up that I kinda get lost."

"Everything matters too much to me too, Danny. We're both stubborn, and we're both passionate and everything in this relationship is amplified. We're always going to argue. Just... know when to apologize and fucking do it, alright? And talk to me. You and me? We can't do silence."

"Alright."

"And I will try to be a little less careless."

"I love you, you know." His breath tickled her face as he whispered in the dark.

"I know."

"So...you want me to go make you an omelette?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

Author's note: So they fight all the time, but when you're in a relationship there will come a point where you first question "Is this the end? Is this the one we don't come back from?"

It's incredibly hard to learn how to fight with someone. It can be easy to see red and not look for the other person's motivations. (And truthfully you might not like or respect their motivations when you know them.)

But either way, take the time to find out how you got there, or you'll end up there again.


End file.
